the story (the birth story that is, with a frightfully graphic illustration by Jethro)

So, do you want the low-down? The down-low? The inside scoop? Well if you do, read on. Otherwise, better skip. (skip to the end...man and wife! say man and wife!)

We really wanted to have the baby on 08-08-08, so we tried everything we could try to make him come to no avail. We kept saying throughout the day, "8 hours left--we could still make it." "4 hours left--we could still make it." But at about 10:30 we had to face the fact we wouldn't make it. We went to bed kindof disappointed.

Then I woke up about 2:00, went to the bathroom, then laid on the couch for a while (this a common habit over the past several weeks). Actually I only laid there for a few minutes and felt about three contractions and went and woke up Brett and said "Let's go." He said "Really?" but started getting up pretty much without further prompting.

We called the babysitter and changed the sheets so she could sleep in our bed, I put my toothbrush and stuff in the bag and when the babysitter got to our house we drove to the hospital.

We checked in, went to our room, I changed, and the nurse asked us all the tedious questions. She asked if I wanted an epidural and I said no. So I had been thinking quite a bit about going without one, but I wasn't entirely sure I would until I actually told her no. (Background is that I've had epidurals with two kids, but but with Hazel I didn't only because we didn't get there in time. So although I knew I could do it without one, I didn't know if I could do it without one by choice--with the offer of one tantalizing me every second.)

So anyway, the nurse checked me and said I was at 5 cm, and she was very surprised by that, saying "I never would have guessed--you're so composed!" Brett was over there kindof shaking his head, and I knew what he was thinking before he even told me (later)--'when will they ever believe us?' We had told her that I have a history of fast labors. Anyway.

Brett said, "That's what I was thinking you'd be at." And I said, "Why?" and the nurse said, "Educated guess?" and Brett said, "No, just a guess." He became very smug by the end of the ordeal with being right so much.

The anesthesiologist came in soon after and went on for awhile about was I SURE I didn't want an epidural---not that she was trying to change my mind, mind you---but if I wanted one I should let her know now, etc. etc. And when she left Brett's like, "For not wanting to change your mind, she sure had a lot to say," but the nurse said, "She just put one in for someone else, and didn't want to get back to sleep if she was going to be woke up again." Basically, that solidified me not getting an epidural, because how could I ask her to come in after I had ASSURED her I knew what I was doing?

Anyway, so the nurse had me sign a bunch of papers, put the monitors on me (which I LOATHE), and left for a while. When she came back in a bit I asked if I could take the monitors off and she said I could, and that I could go walk around if I wanted to. But I just stayed in our room. The contractions weren't really bad for a little while, but as they got worse, I just sat up straight on the edge of the bed and rubbed my lower back really hard. Brett tried to help, but he didn't ever do it the way I liked it, so basically every time he tried to help I just said to not help--but I said it nicely. :)

I was so tired, between contractions I would lean my head against Brett's stomach and close my eyes and wish I was sleeping. The contractions were getting much worse, but not unbearable.

Sometime the nurse came back in and put the monitors back on, which I promptly took off again as soon as she left, "to go to the bathroom." And since the pain in my back was pretty bad the nurse said perhaps the baby was posterior (Jethro was born posterior), and I had read somewhere that it could help to turn a baby if you get on your hands and knees, I tried that for awhile. Brett asked if it was helping, and I was like, "Definitely not for the pain," because they started hurting really REALLY bad. Like I was being wrung in half. About the time when you feel like crying and saying--just kidding, I don't really want a baby, I take it all back, I'm just going to go home now and pretend I never met my husband.

But it was while I was like that that I felt like the baby was really coming down. I went to the bathroom then and felt a teeny bit like pushing, so I told Brett to call the nurse to check me. So she did and said I was at a 8-9, so "No drugs for you now,"-- okay lady, cause I didn't say anything about drugs? Anyway, she told me not to go to the bathroom or anything without calling her first, and she'd come back in a while.

Well, about the next contraction I felt a stronger urge to push, and so Brett got the nurse to come back, and just in time, because Baby was going to be coming out very soon--so she said to not push (they always say that!) and the doctor came in (an on-call doctor, not my regular one), and as they quickly pulled out the bed and everything, the nurse was telling me to say "hee hee hee" and I said "NO!" and Brett was over there trying not to laugh (later he said, "Why do you bother saying no? Why don't you just not do it?" I told the nurses 'no' a lot when I was having Hazel).

The doctor broke my water, then really quickly they were ready and had the mirror down so I could see, and said "Push" which strangely, I was surprised at. I guess I thought they would say to wait for the next contraction or something, but anyway, I pushed, it hurt like the dickens, and his head came out. Brett said, "It's a boy," and then I pushed again and the rest of him came out, and it hurt like the dickens but not quite as bad. Then the doctor said, "It is a boy." (Later she said to Brett, "You said it was a boy before you could even really see," and Brett was like, "I saw the face." I guess we would never have a baby girl not pretty enough to be taken for a boy, even milliseconds out of the birth canal.)

Then they gave me the baby for a little while, while all the other mumbo jumbo was going on, like the placenta and everything. They swabbed me and pushed on my stomach like they wanted it to pop and it was extremely rude of them (all of which hurt much much more than I remember it hurting with my other deliveries), but Talmage was doing well and I didn't tear, so it was all good really. Oh, and he was not born posterior, so either the hands and knees did the trick, or he never actually was posterior. You'll have to stay up at night and wonder, because we'll never really know.

Brett said this was the first time he teared up a little bit, when they handed him to me right after he was born. I thought it was a pretty awesome moment myself.

So he was born at 4:37, and Brett was all pleased with himself again because when we had got to the hospital he said that he thought we'd have the baby about 4:30 or 5:00. I was like, "You're a genius," because I wasn't in a mood to really be congratulatory about his mad predicting skills. :)

Anyway, and that's about all of the story. A 2 1/2 hour labor. And actually, the part from where it really killed was only about 4 contractions or so, and then two pushes and he was out. Even I was a little surprised with how fast it all happened (and that's after Ethne's 3 hour labor). Crazy stuff. I remember thinking when I was pushing his head out that it was a familiar feeling (because once you've done it one time, I guess you remember it when you feel it again), and thinking how awful of a thing to be familiar with. :)

So, am I glad I didn't have an epidural? Yes. Will I always go without after this? Maybe, maybe not. 2 1/2 hours is pretty quick, I can't imagine if it was a longer labor to not have one. But it was definitely more handleable knowing that I wasn't going to get one, versus just not getting one because you can't (like with Hazel--where I had no time to think or focus or anything).

And here's the appallingly graphic illustration by Jethro, as promised. The kids were given a Big Brother/Sister coloring book by the hospital, and without help or prompting of any kind, Jethro read the page and drew this. I have no idea where he got this. Wow.