Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Men communication vs. Women communication

First of all, you must click this link to see the cartoon that goes with this post.

So this morning I was not getting anything done that I needed to, and there was a big stack of dishes to be done, and I felt like I was just going around in circles, and then it was suddenly almost lunchtime and I had to think of something for lunch but we had no bread or eggs, and I was just feeling kindof crummy.  I wanted to call and whine to one of my sisters or my mom, but unfortunately it was in the middle of the night in Utah.  So I decided to call my husband.  Because husbands should be supportive right?  Well, yes and no.  There’s a reason I wanted to talk to another female.  Because, as they say, women talk to get empathy, and men try to solve problems.  See the following:

So I call Brett and say (in a whiny voice because I feel stressed), “I need a nanny because I can’t get anything done with the kids always getting in the way or undoing what I do!” 

And Brett says, “Well, just send them all outside.”

And I say (because I am still whiny, you see) “But they’ll whine.”  (Hmm.)

Brett: “Well, it’s a gorgeous day.  They should go outside and take a walk.”

Me: “But I want to go outside too!  I want to go for a walk!”

Brett: “Then go!  You’ll enjoy it.”

Me: “But then I won’t get anything done!”

Very short pause.  “Send them outside for a bit while you get some things done, then go out and take a walk.”

Me, not saying anything, just thinking- Sure, make everything sound so easy!

Ha ha.  But really, if I had called my mom or sister, they would have said, “Yes, so true-- it’s so hard to get things accomplished with kids always hanging on you,” and they would have related something that THEY didn’t get done (well, except for my mom because she would never have such a thing to relate), and as obnoxiously trite as it sounds, I would feel better for hearing that they haven’t swept their floor for a week.  After I talked to Brett I just felt lame for whining.  I was talking to Kami later this evening and telling her all this, and she said, “Never call Brett again.”  Ha haahaa! 

But see—we totally fit the men/women communication model:

“Troubles talk. For women, telling about problem is bid for an expression of understanding or similar complaint. It reinforces rapport. But men think that women are actually asking them to help solve a problem, and will either offer solutions, or try to make them feel better by saying its not really a problem. Men get frustrated because women don't take their advice, and women are frustrated because they don't get any sense of connection.”  -http://www.analytictech.com/mb119/nb26mar98.htm

Also HERE.

Anyway, the day went better afterwards because I did actually figure out what to make for lunch (pancakes), I did send the kids outside, finally did the dishes, and then went outside and it really was a beautiful day.  (So now I just made Brett RIGHT which makes everything all the worse!)  ;)


beSlightlyAskew said...

This happens to me all the time and it drives me crazy. Jason gives me all these suggestions and I look like the dope trying to say why it won't work (when really, it does.) So, I just call my sisters or mom when I need to complain.

Andrea said...

Hee hee.

Mary said...

You are so right!

Sarah Harrington said...

So glad I'm not the only one who doesn't want her husband to fix it but just let me whine. And maybe try being understanding- but apparently that's too much to ask. Your conversation has happened here MANY times.

Anonymous said...

So so so so so so true!!! Whenever I am having a downer day is when I seem to want to talk about all the deep dark and most sensitive subjects. So I do, and Blake tries to create solutions, and I disagree with them all.

When the clouds have lifted, I have a new opinion about those sensitive subjects and he just sighs...his theory from the beginning has been to "Take an average of my feelings over time" and then TELL ME what it is I'm feeling (when I get confused). Pretty funny, we can laugh about it now.


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