thinking

I often watch couples and think about their fit. You know, how well they mesh and whatnot. There are some couples who when you see them you just think that they must have taken one look at each other and known they were the one for the other. And I'm not just talking about liking the same music (though that's always nice), but things like personality traits and love languages and work ethic and sociality (is that a word?). The weird thing is, I don't think people think about those things when they're dating, not in those terms. They just enjoy being with the other person. Or they don't. And somehow, that often weeds out the people who would be incompatible.

Some couples are the perfect weird for each other (it's true isn't it--the weird people find each other).

And then there are the couples who you just wonder how they ever got together in the first place, and the more you get to know them the more you wonder. Which doesn't mean that it doesn't work, just that it's so very UNobvious.

There are also couples who do not work, and some of those would have actually been wonderful matches if it wasn't for one person's -or both person's, not working for the relationship. Basically, being too selfish. I'm not just making up these categories-- I would give names of couples who fit all these examples, but it wouldn't mean anything for those who don't know them, and it wouldn't be nice for those who do.

Of course these are only a tiny portion of all the endless options of what kinds of relationships there are. There are shades and nuances and as many different couples as there are people. And even once they are a couple, people change and circumstances change and the relationship continually morphs.

There is one couple I knew in Indiana who seemed (and still seem) to me such a perfect pair. They didn't just seem to support each other's likes and interests, but to really celebrate and magnify all the special things about each other. It always seemed to me that they were constantly understanding of the other, ever grateful for the other's being there, always eager to help the other, just happy to be together.

But that is only from my outside perspective. And that's the thing about looking at something as personal as a marriage relationship. You just have no idea what really goes on from the inside. Like the couple in Indiana I was talking about, sometimes I think, well maybe it's just because they are both white (meaning really laid-back, non-confrontational, never-gets-angry) personlities, and that's why their match seems so idyllic to me. But it doesn't mean they are perfect and they never bug each other. And on the surface, a couple might seem like they are always at odds with one another, but you really have no idea of the private conversations and offerings and compromises. Furthermore, your perspective is always different than everyone else's. So I'm always a little curious what Brett and I look like through other people's eyes.

Why all these ramblings? I don't know. Just thinking out loud. Now I'm done.